Chasing Intan

Finally I own my 1st Blackberry Curve. It's so good I really enjoy it. Nah, this is my first post from my BB. I thought it'd be nice to write what's in my mind as soon as I get any thoughts. Thank God for technology. LOL. So, before I go straight to sleep (like I can). I wanna share something that quiet painful for me. This occured several hours ago, my lil bro came down to me and asked, "sister, why I never see you praying?". Well what can I say? That I'm no longer Moslem? Or that now I'm starting to go to church? Or maybe I have to say that now I'm in borderline. Don't know where to go.. Shame on me to see the kid, at age 5 ask me something about religion. Is this a wake up call? When will you wake up from this dream Intan darling?

say hi to my new baby :) PS: Thanks so much Dad!! xoxoxoxo

current mood : desperate I've just woke up and suddenly I was thinking about my future. I'm very afraid now. Seems that I'm unable to handle it. Time goes by very fast and I don't think I use them properly. I mean, I'm a lazy girl (shame on me! Gosh I'm humiliating myself.). Now I'm in 6th semester and there are bunch things coming very soon. First, My final exam, which will come in about 1 month. Then MY FINAL THESIS which will start next semester. But most of all, there's one thing which really knock me up : my life after college. What should I do after college? should I work for people, should I work for my Dad, should I open my own store? actually there are so many things that I can do. but the problem is, I'm not sure bout my own ability. So this things goes little confusing.. While the clock will always go tic toc tic toc.. And I'm standing still. poor Me! Desperately need help! Honestly, I can't make a wrong decision because I'm no...

current mood : feelin' stupid I'm so stupid 'Cause I used to live In a fuzzy dream And I used to believe In a pretty pictures That were all around me But now I know for sure That I was stupid I'm so stupid 'Cause I used to live In a tiny bubble And I wanted to be Like all the pretty people That were all around me But now I know for sure That I was stupid Stupider than stupid Please don't try to tempt me It was just greed And it won't protect me Don't want my dreams Adding up to nothing

current mood : angry to myself Why I can't push myself harder and harder? Why I wasn't born with a strong-will to improve myself? Thought I failed to be a real "human". I can't do anything to marked myself in this world. The worst thing is, even though I'm almost 21 now, I haven't make my parents proud of me. But strangely, that thing doesn't make me push myself harder, push me to go the extra miles. What was I thinking? I should pull my brain off my knee! Idiot. Pathetic. Stupid. Stupider than Stupid. Stupidest!

News today isn't good at all. Amy Winehouse filmed smoking crack.. Heath Ledger found dead in his apartment. Blah blah blah.. What's going on in this world today? Seems everyone become a druggie. So sad.. Shame on them who have such a talent. Did fame and fortune change all their life? OK it's not in celebrity world only. We, as a teenager, also had several problems like that too. Thank GOD me and my friends I know, don't do drugs. But I'm sure there are many teenager who do drugs. I think it's the worst thing to happen. Actually one of my family member (not my brothers of course), ever used drugs for years. There's nothing left but his weak body, his weird behavior, and his mental illness. He used to live in my brother's house for years, my brother gave him a job, but unfortunately he couldn't use this opportunity to change himself. Then he back to drugs, and my brother told him to get out from his house. Thank God right now he's seeking for hel...

I need to change. But how can I change? The only way I can change is to constantly work at it. Knowing is the beginning. Knowing more and learning more and achieving more. The minute you stop wanting to know more, that's when you stop growing And that's when you die. And that's when you're nothing.

Last night I went to my friend's birthday party and was having a blast! I met with some old friends, my high school friends whom I miss a lot!!! So, that was fun! Kevin made us some oh-so-delicious homemade cuisine such as spaghetti, salad, chicken soup, and so on.. He was going wild, and told about virginity! He said that most girls in town aren't virgin anymore. Can you believe that? I AM still virgin and I'm NOT shy! I think it'll be great to give it to my husband, the right man on the right time and at the right place. There's a thin line between love and sex. Love is not sex and sex is not love. So, if your boyfriend ask you to have sex to prove your love to him, just simply leave him! Yuck! Guys, it's not a fucking excuse! But by the way, the decision is all yours. For me, I don't wanna do that. Oh I'm going so far away from the subject! So, we had a great night at a small get-together party! I hope we'll do it more often. ^^ xoxoxo

so many questions "why" poppin in my head right now. and it's all about life.. Sometimes I don't understand why people only respect someone whom has money, or power, and all. Ironically, people don't want to look in someone's real talent, someone's heart, or someone's toil, just because they aren't rich. For example, some group of people are very proud showing their ride, but "Hey it's Daddy's car!!" I bet they don't know how to buy it, even they don't WANNA know about it! Maybe they'd just "blink their eyes" and VOILA! There's this new car in their garage! some others are working their ass off to achieve what they've been dreaming of. They really appreciate every second of their lives. They wanna be success. They realize that they have to build their business from the big O. But why everyone seems just respect the first group? Especially for those who are same age with me. Honestly, my parents did...