On last Friday, I was approached by Vale's teacher, she said she wanted to have words with me. I was like, "ooh what now?"
At the end of class, I sat with her and she told things that actually have been haunting me for some time now. "Miss, some parents have complained to me about Vale's hitting behavior at class."
I muted for 5 seconds. I knew it was coming, but when it actually came, I just... Speechless I guess.
First of all, she asked me about how Vale behave outside school? How is he at home? Did I / anyone else have hit him so he copy the behavior?
Oh wow. I mean, those questions intimated me. I replied, "no one ever hit him, he's with me ALL the time. I don't use baby sitter. Vale never watches TV except the minions 1/2 hour per day. I don't have TV channels in my house." I even explained to her that I have a healthy marriage. Cos I think she wanted to be sure that Vale was raised in a happy home.
I was embarrassed. I don't even know where he pick up those negative behaviors. I told him million times that hitting people is WRONG. "Vale, you can't hit your friends." Before school started, I always say, "vale don't hit anyone today okay?" He replied, Okay, but then it happened again. Well turned out, that didn't make him stop. Whenever he involved in a "fight" with one of his friend, he eventually hit him. Hard. I realized that. I tried to stop him, sometimes he listened and often times, he didn't. Lately, it went so bad that I always guarded him so he could do no harm to his friends.
OK back to his teacher.
She said maybe we can try to be firmer to Vale. Hoping that sooner than later, he will understand that his behavior is totally wrong. We have to be sure that everyone around Vale involves. His parents first & foremost. Mr D and I have to be in same page. Well I must admit that Mr. D was softer to Vale than me. Maybe that was one of the cause. Vale seek comfort to his dad, tried to get his approval.
Mr D also mad with Vale whenever he hit/bite/kick, but you know, Vale took it with pinch of salt.
At the moment, I'll try to communicate again in how we handle Vale's negative behavior with Mr D. He's such a strong boy, so when he hit, he hit hard. Towards the end of our conversation, I was surrounded myself with guilt. I felt that I have failed being a good mother to this kid. I called Mr D right away & told him what just happened. He said that maybe she (the teacher) was right, we have to be firmer with our son so this behavior won't continue. I answered, "I already told Vale many many times to never hit his friends. Why it wasn't enough? I don't want to punish him, I don't want to hit him back." I cried a little, got so emotional.
I actually had punished Vale once or twice. I locked him at the toilet for 30 seconds until he said, "Mama sorry." but I don't want to do it over and over. My heart broke. But is it the only way to stop the behavior? I don't want to threaten him that way.. This is so complicated. With new baby that soon will come, I hope we can handle the situation.
Vale will turn 27 months in two weeks, and he already caused a scene at school.
I wonder what will come next.
I believe he's a good, kind hearted boy. Maybe he has lots of things in mind, maybe he just tried to express his feelings, or maybe...(just maybe), it's in his blood.. (Considering my father in law and the rest of his siblings were martial arts experts).
PS: i am deeply sorry to the affected parents (and kids) ;(
Comments