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wow.. it's been like, almost 4 years since the last time I blog. actually i have several drafts that i haven't published yet. either because i hadn't finish it, or i got a booty call. lol.. not in sexual content, but more like my kids were craving for attention. since my littlest one still breastfeeding.
i do miss having to write my thoughts sometimes. i'm still like me several years ago, drowning in my thoughts (both negative and positive, even though i prefer the latter). but i guess just like every young mother everywhere, i get caught up in motherhood. seriously though, it really drains me out.

first of all, my son is now 5yo while my darling daughter is 2.5yo. i mean, so many things happen in this last 4 years, crazy crazy ride. a handful of huge fight as well with the Mister. we're now into our 6th year, i couldn't say it's our best year yet. i seriously ever considered to call this off once or twice (yes it happened!) but in the end, love wins. and here we are still going strong.

i also developed my fondness in baking which nobody expected me to. but i'm all grown now, i do like dress up sometimes (oh gosh i still am tbh) but the situation doesn't allow me to. with two kids in hand and one very strict husband, i can do nothing except compromise. accept the fact that i'm no longer belong to myself entirely. i kinda lose myself in the process, but what can i say? i am a part of this family. so to distract myself from all this madness, i bake. mind you, i can't go out meeting my girl friends just like that. my little girl is very attach to me and i have tons of responsibilities at home that i can't just leave (a.k.a no permission from the Mister). even for only a few hours (by myself). because by then, he would judge me that i'm not a good mother (which i think i am). so i managed to meet my friends in between running errands.

anyway, baking makes me happy. makes me find myself again. i feel serene despite the chaos in the kitchen. and when my kids love things that i've made, it made me happier. i can give customized gifts to my family and friends as well. shortly, my love of baking spread happiness.. both for me and others around me. i'm still not that good at it, but i still do it anyway. :D

well that's it i suppose. will try to find time to blog more in the future. i almost forget how writing is such a healing process for me.

PS: after all these years, i still love Madonna and Amy Winehouse. lol

Madonna - X Static Process

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