trouble in paradise

We're not in our best shape. Lots thing have to be redone, rework, and reconsider. I won't be the one who pledge guilty all the time, for the crime that I didn't commit. I wonder how long he will sentenced me.. Doesn't he feel long enough? I'm still too young at heart, at least for a man like him, whose mind is years ahead his actual age. I wish I can run with him, but his pace is getting fast every single day, and I realize I'm the one who stand still. With my childish behavior, in my safe place, spoiled by people whom I love dearly. He's gone too far... He moves faster than speed of light. I was left alone fantasizing without knowing where our journey end or maybe when to start a new journey?

Maybe simply... I'm not the woman he's looking for.

Well that's a creepy thought, but maybe... just maybe.. we don't belong together. Who knows?
I wish I can turn back time to see how happy we were back then.
I wish I live in a world where marriage is just a stupid piece of paper.

If only you knew how much you mean to me.
I wish I can runaway with you, yeah just you.. Living the dream we once had.

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I'm shaking as I type this. After so many years I haven't update my blog, but i feel like now i need it more than ever. Writing use to be my therapy. so. my husband died. on 22-11-22 to be exact. 85 days ago there. i say it. you won't believe how much courage i've gathered to type this post here. the very blog that witness our journey. from a hopeless teenager, to finally got married, and eventually became parents of two adorable kids. too bad i didn't get a chance to update it more. however i frequently updated my twitter & instagram. so there are traces of our journey there as well. how do i feel? PAIN. EXCRUCIATING PAIN. A PAIN THAT IMPOSSIBLE TO CURE My heart so tattered that there's nothing more to be torn. He died a sudden death. I won't go into details, at least not now. Our 20 years journey ended abrubtly. there goes our future hopes and dreams. __________________ I begin to questioning the existence of God. We've lead a good life. w...

still..

current mood : still upset Every children biggest dream would always be make their parents proud. Including me. But how? Many whispers came to my ear that said, "Go ahead and find your place at your Dad's Co.", "Why wasting more time with useless job?", "Don't ever try to work in a -desperately-needing-investment Bank!", and blah and blah and blah. Dude I really wanna show my Dad that I can earn myself money. Now my new car is on its way to my garage doesn't mean I'm fully happy. I mean, I feel very grateful with my Dad's present, but I realize that it will burden me. How long until I can earn my own money? Let's rewind to two years ago, when my friends busy to get a part-time job. This "part-time job" means SPG (Sales Promotion Girl), or Bridesmaid (at someone else's wedding), or Wedding Organizer's crew. That's all we can do for our status as a under-graduate student. Nothing else more and nothing else better...

tied the knot

The Groom with all the best-men Happy boy happy couple current mood : *sigh* Finally, after the very long waiting and preparation since LAST YE AR week, my brother tied the knot with girl of his dream. They held a morning ceremony at Cathedral Church and then thrown a party later that night at Grand Eastern. I was having a blast, yet exhausted, and starved and weary and all! Since I didn't catch enough time to eat something, and were busy buzzing around the ballroom, cos my friends were all there and I've some duties to do. Well, now the party's over and it's time to "renew" the life. Cos life will never be the same. Brother, sister, I hope your love will last forever, no more assault, no more violence, just PEACE. Don't ever lean on to someone else, cos since yesterday, two became ONE. Just like the priest said, you both have to received each other the way they are, and blend each personality as one. Married life isn't going to be easy (LIKE I KNOW.L...

Chasing Intan

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