battle

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" is one of my favorite quote by Plato. The line is so short yet has strong meaning. 

Every person's burden is completely different. There are a few things that really bothering me right now. Day by day is like waking up from one nightmare to another. Mostly about family issue, my relationship issue, and also myself, my job, and my future. I've been thinking a lot lately. How I love to be alone, thinking. But drawn in my loneliness somehow make me scared cos I don't know if I ever find answers from all my questions. But I don't think share my probs with others is the best way. So I tend to be surrounded by despair, which cost me a very bad aura. But where to go? What to do? I feel like living in a same circle everyday, like a hamster trapped in its merry go round. Run and run and run in an endless circle. 

No one can understand me at this point, yet I'm too weak to make a change and decision. I'm so mad at myself cos I never be brave enough to walk the first step. Failure is not an option. It's a do or die game. And I'm sitting here, do nothing, as time goes by. Trapped in my own mind. Thing is, I always underestimate myself. I think it plays a big role of my rigidity. Like I want to move forward, but something cuffed my arms and legs. Ironcally, the cuff comes from within. It's my insecurity, my helplessness, my fear. 

My man said, just do it. Don't think too much, just do. But I'm not as spontaneous and fearless as him. Though I learn every single day. And he did make me proud. 

I try to be nice to everyone, but if I'm keeping my straight face on and stay out of the crowd (like turn down dinner invitation thingy), it doesn't mean I'm a bitch. It's because those hundred thoughts suddenly pop up in my head and I need to be alone. I can't keep my game face on for such a long time. So please, be kind. Like Plato said, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.