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Once I grow up,...




Jetting off to junior high slash high school, the sentence "Once I grow up I will...." was often heard between conversation. I was born in an environment with the thought that women destined to be a lovely wife and mother. So mostly girls dream about marriage, her prince charming that will later be her husband, and things like that. But as we move forward, our mindset will develop. We meet certain people, go to new places. Then without we even realize, we become a totally different person than we were then.

As matter of fact, I am circulating in the "once I grow up" phase now. How time flies. If we used to "hope your dreams come true" at birthday cards, I'm finding it a bit odd now. That's why I always write, "many happy returns" recently.. Let's admit it, we're in MID twenties! Soon (I mean real soon) we'll be entering late twenties, early thirties, the big four, ... and so on.

Anyway, I can't say that my dream hasn't come to fruition because it has. Well, partly. Here's the twist. My twenty five years old self will marry the love of my life in upcoming months.. (I declared many years ago to my gf that I'll get married at 25-- which is coming true) But I still have one dream that I have yet to find. A dream that I never mention to any friends then (trust me they'd laugh at it haha): that I'm dying to become a writer. The only person in the world that knew about it was my Bahasa teacher. He strongly recommended me to pursue journalist career and study more about it cos he thought I was talented. But of course, my dear parents never support what I want, so I was studying Accounting instead.

It's definitely my insecurity to blame. It takes me nowhere. I think I am insecure by nature. I always under estimate myself and what I am doing. Too many ifs and buts circling in mind. That's just pathetic. And what sadder is, I still can't find a way to cope with that. Dieter said that I was raised in a wrong way. He might be true as I really don't wanna go back to my childhood or even reminiscence any of it.

Well in this "Once I grow up" phase, I still keep that dream and hope I'm becoming a writer one day. A tiny bit column in newspaper or magazine would be nice. But for now, I guess I'll stay focus at my current job, whilst still writing once a while. I know I'd go nowhere if I don't brave enough to walk that first step. I know "waiting" won't take me to places I've never been. But. This is the best I can do.. For now.

How are you dealing with your "Once I grow up..." phase? It's certainly look nothing like walks in the park, but I hope you're all in the right path.. :)





P.S I'll swallow any LEGAL drugs to fight my insecurity. (well if there's any)
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Comments

phi said…
same here, some of my dreams had been fulfilled but i still havent got the oldest to come true.. well with all the "what ifs" and other considerations i guess im just gonna keep it to myself. but we never know what future brings and there is still a chance we can make it true, right? :) anyway, imho you are a really good writer :D and congrats for your upcoming wedding! may your life is always blessed by joy and happiness ;)
September 4, 2012 at 2:00 PM
Intan Juliana said…
Thank you so much Phi... You're just made my day :D
Anyhow...You have to come!
It'll be somewhere in November... Xx
September 5, 2012 at 1:13 PM
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