We've been together for almost ten years before decided to get married. If someone asked what is the difference between the days when we were dating and today as husband and wife? Hmm I guess, none. Cos we used to be open about everything.. From our financial struggle to our silly dreams and even our family history. From our bad habits, our past, and weakness.. etc. So when we get married, we didn't experience the "new married couple" drama. I heard a lot about how man would act differently once they tied the knot. But no, we didn't experience it. We're all exactly the same, even better. I think that is one of many reason why our love stand through time.
But we did struggle in one major area though.
I'm sure we all know about Love Language. Yup, those 5 love Languages.
Well well well, it come as a surprise that turn out, our love languages are completely different. And I implicitly applied "MY" preferred love language to my partner.
My choices of love languages are:
1. Quality time
2. Receiving gifts
3. Physical touch
4. Words of affirmation
5. Acts of service
I expected my partner to treat me the same as I treated him. When he's home, I spent time with him.. Even though I was drowsy but I never gone to bed without him. I gave the best gift every birthday, anniversary, christmas, etc. I made surprises. I always write him a love letter inside his lunch box, sent him encourage words and supports when it got tough at work.
Then we had a fight. HUGE fight. On my birthday.
I've always wanted to receive flowers on my special day. That morning, there's someone delivered a very pretty bouquet of flowers to our house. I thought, wow. Who sent this? I knew it wasn't from Mr. D. Turned out it was from my sister. As I walked through the house, I joked to Mr D, thanks for the beautiful flowers! To my surprise, he was ANGRY as hell. He yelled at me, he said that he's never be the man I expected him to be. He's go on and on and on, and I was like, it's my fucking birthday. What if this year is my last birthday?! Thanks for ruined it! I stepped out of the house with Vale and we're about to go (I didn't know where, I just need some fresh air to clear my head). As cliche as it may sound, but I got my heart broken. Instead of being happy on my birthday, I had a worst day of my life. Poor Vale he saw us fought each other. But my maid took him outside and let us finished our business.
I was crying like a baby. I remembered my Dad never treats me like this.
And it's just because one short sentence that supposed to be a joke! Mr D said the classic, "i know i can never give you some expensive gifts, flowers, and things. But i provide our life. I worked hard for us!" I was like, "who the hell wanted all of those?! Was i ever asking you to buy me chanel bags?! Never ever in million years! I'd rather work my ass off and buy it with my own money.."
It goes on and on like that til we reached a point where we realized that our love languages are totally different from each other.
When we fight, we tend to emphasize our current issue with our past problems.
When he said I didn't support him on his work, I said that I tried to encourage you by writing letters every day. I wrote that you did your best, that you're an impecabble leader, amazing father. And so on and so forth.. (words of affirmation). But where did it all go? To a trash bin?
Mr D replied, "don't you write me letters ever again. I don't have time to read all those shits just show me something REAL." (Acts of service)
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So that was it,
I strongly think our love language is different. It's obvious. And I still haven't figured it out yet, how to balanced it. I'm tired of us fighting over nothing. It seems that what I do/write/say always wrong in his eyes. I know he got so much pressure at work, so I think for now silence is golden. Not dead silence, but I will examine things that coming out of my mouth. I'm exhausted...to the max. Besides, I have things to do too. I have a very active toddler who needs me, and I also have a lot of work to do to improve my business. I think I have to veered off from our relationship issue and see what happen. I ain't gonna freeze it, but I need some time to reflect. Hopefully it will get better in time.
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