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every birthday gives me new hope

to be a better person

to seek more wisdom

more knowledge 

to never settle for second best 

i believe there are no accidents.. every person that i've met, every moment that i've lived, everything happens for a reason. 

in this past year, i learn to pick my battle. if previously i got easily upset with so many things, especially about my relationship with Mr D. right now i tend to be more sensible and learn to use my logic more than my heart. mind you, i was this bitchy wife who overzealous of everything, who hit the roof when he failed to call me from work, and who bawling my eyes out when he forgot my birthday. but you know what? fuck it. i promise myself to always always pick my battle and think about the positive outcome of all situations. good vibes only. positive vibes only. anything else is just a noise.

my daughter refuse to eat? fine. just give her bread or fruits or even her favorite meal ever: oatmeal and milk. it's not the end of the world.

my son constantly give me headache? just grateful that he's not growing to be like those brats who addicted to video games. chances are, he's bored and need his creative outlet.

my super cold hearted hubby who's far from romantic? i can live with that. at least he comes home everyday, responsible to his family, and provide us more than we need. the thing is, our love language is different. "Compromise". again it's the most important thing. 

for my own personal issues, i hope i can get better at mindfulness. we often trap or caught up in a certain situation that make us can't think clearly (for me it's motherhood). but it's still a learning process. i try to be more mindful in everything. i used to think that my children are my world, they are my center of gravity. don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that my children aren't important anymore. right now, i give a space for myself to bloom as well. i give myself more "me time", i learn to forgive myself and i know i can't (and never be) the version of "book written" best mom. 

when i started to do that, i became a more positive, confidence, and appreciative towards myself. i used to feel under appreciated most of the times because i depend on someone else. i want someone to appreciate me. but then again i married with someone who couldn't care less and it's his nature. i mean what should i expect? in his point of view, he already gave his all to this family. we're on the same board and each one has their own role. just make the most of it. true. it's just a matter of those eff-in love language and i have accepted that we spoke a different language (after all these years, can you imagine how miserable i was?) 

the positive outcome from my attitude is, i can be a less bitchy & clingy & dependent wife, which to my surprised make Mr D kept saying, "you're like a completely different person."

it's funny how in a year a person can changed so much, let alone in 10 years. when i look at pictures  of me from 10 years ago, gosh i don't recognize her. but again, there are no accidents and everything happens for a reason. we can always learn from our past. 

i realized that i am weak, so i always look for a strong female figure to inspire and learn from. and yeah, that's Madonna. when Mr D asked, what makes you change? i replied, "just thanked Madonna." she's a person who had been through a lot and triumph in spite of it. to say she inspires me in many ways is such an understatement. cos she's more than that.

i also went outside my comfort zone and join the positive community, charity, etc. i constantly pushed myself to learn something new, to soak myself in the new environment. i joined the Catholic community in my neighborhood. from there i learned a lot, i met so many amazing women (who much older than me).. despite the age gap, i can relate on so many things, they showed me different perspectives of life. cos you know, they had been there done that. 

anyway, glad to be alive and glad to still have hope.
cheers for many many years to come :)

PS: please do watch this small footage of M's newest interview to get a glimpse how amazing this woman is.