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Shall pass?



Following last blog post about my son who turned out to be fussy eater. 

Artikel demi artikel yang gue baca selama ini rata-rata menyebutkan bahwa GTM itu bisa terjadi karena 2 faktor, psikis dan psikologis. Psikis yang berhubungan dengan fisik, misalnya tumbuh gigi, ga enak badan, sakit tenggorokan, sariawan, dll dll. Kalo psikologis lebih ke faktor psikologis sang anak. Misalnya trauma sendok (karena pernah dicekok obat), atau trauma dimarahin, dll. 
Vale ini bisa dibilang lagi ga ada gigi yang mau tumbuh.. Soalnya giginya udah 8 dan keliatannya belum ada gusi yang bengkak. Si bocah pun tetep lincah (pake banget). Apalagi dari sebulan yang lalu udah mahir jalan. Jadi kayanya, GTM kali ini bukan disponsorin sama faktor psikis deh... Jadi apa dong? Psikologis?

Dari sekian banyak perasaan yg gue rasain, kok rasa bersalah lah yang paling dominan? Jangan-jangan Vale bisa begini karena gue yang kurang sabar? Apa gue pernah tanpa sengaja ngasih makanan yang terlalu panas? Apa gue pernah (tanpa sengaja juga) membentak dia karena susah sekali makan. Harus diakui, kejadian gue emosi di depan high chair-nya pernah beberapa kali terjadi...yang pastinya gue sesali BANGET. Tapi apa daya, I'm only human. Gue punya rasa kesabaran yang nampaknya, bukan makin hari makin tebal, tapi makin tipis setipis kertas...dalam menghadapi Vale. Dampaknya, sekarang dia menganggap bahwa "meal time" itu tidak fun. Believe it or not, dari pertama dia mulai MPASI sampai sekarang, belum pernah sekalipun dia minta makan! Kan ada tuh anak yang bilang mamam mamam atau nyamperin high chair nya sambil bilang mamam. Vale ga pernah sama sekali. Dari awal sampai sekarang selalu gue yang suapi dia jadinya gue tau persis habit dia lagi makan tuh gimana. 

Vale orangnya moody. Entah kenapa di satu hari dia bisa makan lahap hap hap langsung habis dalam waktu 15 menit! Tapi nanti tiba-tiba ga mau makan. Nolak/nangkis sampai nangis-nangis. Bahkan yang terparah, gue pernah disembur terus-terusan. Suap, sembur, suap, sembur. Gimana ga emosi jiwa?! Nah sebagai ibu, gue ya pastinya pengen dia makan makanannya dong. Terjadilah pemaksaan itu... Padahal kalo kata dsa, kalau anak ga mau makan ya sudah. Skip aja jam makannya. Dok... Ga segampang itu juga kali main skip *masih ga bisa terima* *sok idealis*. Menurut dsa, di skip jam makan ga akan nyebabin anak kelaparan/kurang gizi, justru sebaliknya kalau kita memaksa anak untuk makan di kala dia ga mau, malah bikin trauma. "Anak juga manusia loh Mom... Dia punya mood kaya kita. Kita juga pernah ga mood makan kan?" Katanya.... 

Nasi udah jadi bubur, mungkin bener kata bapake... Dia satu-satunya di keluarga gue yang beranggapan bahwa Vale trauma makan. Mungkin dia denger cerita dari adik gue pas kita ke SG. Vale kan lagi susah-susahnya makan waktu itu. Dan gue yang maksa terus biar dia mau makan. Tanpa ampun, tapi hasilnya? Ya nihil. 

So basically this week has been very rough. I cried a few times, but it didn't solve "the problem". Gue akhirnya tadi pergi (lagi) ke dsa langganan temen gue. Namanya dr. Yulia di Melinda Hospital. Kabarnya, beliau ini kalau ngasih racikan obat penambah nafsu makan mantep banget. Yah mudah-mudahan dengan minum vitamin itu Vale bisa kembali makan... Please nak, makan yah. Mamah janji kalau Vale mau mamam lagi mamah akan lebih sabar dan lebih ngerti kamu. Sebulan udah lewat loh kamu gini terus.. Dan dokter ngasih kamu 2 minggu lagi, kalau kamu masih belum makan, terpaksa kami bawa ke dokter gizi. Karena kami khawatir banget sama asupan nutrisi kamu. 

Anyway, sedikit curcol. 
Yang paling bikin gue down itu sebenernya.... Intinya gue merasa gagal. Gini loh, gue udah berusaha memberikan yang terbaik buat Vale. ASI eksklusif (directly dari "gentong"nya) sampai sekarang, ngasuh sendirian (w/o nanny, helper, nyokap, or MIL sekalipun). Gue mengenyampingkan semua urusan pribadi gue. Vale ga pernah gue tinggal untuk pergi hang out sama temen misalnya. Or apapun. He's ALWAYS with me. Gue udah memberikan 100% apa yang gue punya untuknya. Waktu, tenaga, ASI, everything. Tapi kok Vale begini? Jadi gue merasa gue telah gagal. Langsung deh kepikir, kok si itu yg anaknya cuma diasuh suster, sering ditinggal-tinggal, gak pernah ada masalah tentang nafsu makan? Oh how life is so unfair... 

But then again, I have to realize that all babies were born differently. Even twin are different. Gue harus bisa rajin-rajin menghibur diri. Oya, dikala (maunya) dapet support dari Mr. D. Instead of saying, "baby please.. You're doing a GREAT job, you're a fantastic mom, dan kata-kata yang memotivasi, dia dengan entengnya bilang, "alah... Mamah (my MIL) aja dulu lebih susah dari kamu, handle apa-apa sendiri, punya anak dua, toh akhirnya bisa ngelewatin semuanya. Jangan kolokan deh, ga usah cengeng. Di luaran itu banyak banget yang lebih susah kondisinya dari kamu"

.....
I was like, jleb banget. Memang yang dia omongin benar adanya. But I don't need to hear that. I need some supportive sentences. I was down but he drowned me. I need someone to lift me up, but instead, he kicked me down. Oh well, apparently MIL memang ga ada duanya, ga ada tandingannya. Who am I compared to her majesty? --> makin down deh gue. 
So yeah, The ONLY person that can cheer myself up is..... ME. 

Cheer up dear myself.. For this too, shall pass. 


P.S. A little selfie won't hurt nobody. I kinda miss the old me tbh :) 




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