Ever since Vale started solid at exactly 6 months ago, all hell breaks lose. Don't get me wrong.. But the perks of having a baby only lasts 6 months.
Because....
Feeding a baby is somewhat tricky. He can eat one full plate of "X" food this morning in barely half an hour. while only in the afternoon he spit almost all of it.
What amazed me, my mood driven by his appetite. I think I've written about this in the last few posts.
It's been almost one month and Vale never made it to clear his plate. Let alone half of it! I was so fuckin stress out I wanted to bury myself. I did everything I could to make him eat his food. Texture, food varieties, finger food, entertainment, new places, new toys, dance regime, songs, you name it. But he just seem lost interest in food. I cried a few times. I know it didn't solve any problem, but at least I feel better. I let go off my emotion. This is strange, but the situation is worse than when someone dump you. Lol. It's a lot more painful. I think I worry too much. You know I don't have nanny. I prepare the food and spoon feeding him all by myself. I watched him torn his food into pieces or even worse, he spit it all out. I was worried about his nutrition, what if he didn't get the nutrition that he needs??
Mr D and I brought Vale to the peditrician. He got his first blood test (oh it's a whole new horror story) and the result said that Vale lack of iron. She prescribed Vale with iron supplement and she hoped we can see the differences in two weeks time. It's been one week, but to be honest, we hardly see any difference. I put high hope on this supplement, cos she said lack of iron could be the reason why he refuse eating. We'll see...
In a meantime, I still have to deal with this fussy eater.. :( I told Mr. D that I just want to have one kid. While we previously planned to have two kids. I gave up, I can't and never want to handle a fussy eater once again. It really drains me. I even got sick a few days ago. That's just...too much. For some people who can handle the situation very well, hats off! Cos I can't. And even though everyone keep saying "this too shall pass", well they never walk in my shoes.. All theories, all saying are easier said than done. I always wake up at dawn, stared blankly to my iphone. Typing "my child refuse to eat" "cara menyiasati anak susah makan" "gtm pada anak 1 tahun" on Google. Read all articles that can be found every.single.night. I couldn't sleep peacefully. I began to lose some weight and without makeup, I looked terrible. in short, I fucked up.
And when I keep rambling about this matter, you know what Mr. D said? "Oh gosh you are SO spoiled! LOOK! You have it all. A house, maid who helped you, a supportive husband, and most importantly, a healthy baby! Do you know there are many people out there who struggling with their finance? Who even don't have a house to come home to? And who have an unhealthy baby? You are so so lucky. This is not the end of the world. It's just a phase in baby's life.. He won't starve himself. He still drink your milk and he's HEALTHY. That's the most important point. He just learned to walk a month ago and maybe he still love his new world.. He loves to explore new things. Just be patient and keep trying."
Deep silent.
Another *slap in the face* moment.
Well.
I should've be ashamed.. :(
Thanks for reminded me to always feel grateful, never give up, and never stop trying. And maybe, I began to believe everyone saying, this too...shall pass!
P.S. I'm sorry Vale.. If I didn't meet your expectation as a good mother. But please trust me that I'm trying.. I just want to see you finish your meal.. I believe that day will come, sooner than later. I'm sorry...
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