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2 years later




Just in time for our 2nd wedding anniversary (which will due tomorrow)... Mr D bluntly said, "on his journey to find true love, I guess Vale will search someone whom adventurous, brave, smart, with high self esteem, and someone whom not too care about her appearance. Someone whom not depend on make up and things like that. Someone whom unlike you.." 

He said it right to my eye. I know it's too early to say those things. But, I was hurt okay? While he's the one who always say that he wants to have a wife whom precisely the same as his mother. Loving, kind, feminine, patience, etc etc I'll be here all night if I have to write down things that Mr D love about his mom. And to heard him say something like that, it was like a slap in my face...times twelve. Am I that "negative" so my son someday will avoid the type of woman like me? 

Or even worse, is it what he's been trying to tell me? That I'm not good enough.. Well I've never been good enough to him. Look at his mom.. I'm nothing like her. I mean, NOTHING. I love shopping, dress up, make up. But that's not define who I am. I have a heart too. A good one I suppose. And here, I always try to be a better wife and mother day after day. 

It's so hard to have a MIL who is 10/10 perfect cos you will always be compare to her at ALL times. Sometimes I hate myself for never being good enough to him.. I just got so emotional but being "unwanted" is the least thing I wanna feel. Yes he has the "perfect mom" but now he's with me.. He CHOSE me to be his wife, he ASKED me to be his wife. I am a woman with flaws and I learn everyday through my mistakes. But please don't say it to my face that Vale will never want to be with someone like me. I may not perfect, but I'm not a piece of junk.

He might forget about what he said, but the ache I feel remains. And he said it right before our wedding anniversary. OK can I cry now?



.......
Happy wedding anniversary darling. You know that you are truly one of the kind. One that I will forever adore.
One that I always proud of. One that someday if we happen to have a daughter, or even I ever told my sister to "find a man like you." That's how much you mean to me. 

I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough. Maybe I have to try harder. And harder. And harder. 


Update: 
After saying those horrible things, Mr D (again and again) bluntly said that he thinks his mom should look after our son. Cos UNLIKE me, she has this endless patience, never gets angry etc. I was like, mad. What else should I do? He said, "oh God i'm kidding! Of course you are the perfect mother for Vale, but please don't get mad at him if he refuse to eat." 
...... And let Vale starving? He just doesn't have idea how hard it is to get Vale eat his food. Even when I dare him to spoonfeeding Vale, he immediately reject the offer. HOW PREDICTABLE -_- 
I hope he stops being judgmental. /*sigh






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