current mood : still upset
Every children biggest dream would always be make their parents proud. Including me. But how?
Many whispers came to my ear that said, "Go ahead and find your place at your Dad's Co.", "Why wasting more time with useless job?", "Don't ever try to work in a -desperately-needing-investment Bank!", and blah and blah and blah.
Dude I really wanna show my Dad that I can earn myself money. Now my new car is on its way to my garage doesn't mean I'm fully happy. I mean, I feel very grateful with my Dad's present, but I realize that it will burden me. How long until I can earn my own money?
Let's rewind to two years ago, when my friends busy to get a part-time job. This "part-time job" means SPG (Sales Promotion Girl), or Bridesmaid (at someone else's wedding), or Wedding Organizer's crew. That's all we can do for our status as a under-graduate student. Nothing else more and nothing else better beside being an SPG, Bridesmaid, or WO's crew. SAD!!
My friends were like, hush hush, searched that kind of job, some of them got the job, and succeed to earn money. AND then I was trying to get my Dad's permission. When I asked him, he was going like, "NO F-in WAY! I never let my daughter being such a slave like that."
FYI, Being an SPG doesn't get a good image from people in general, it often refers to "bad girls", although NOT all SPG are bad, but their image seemed to be judged like that. OK I've admit that there several from them are bad, but it depends on what product they sell.
Once I ever lied to him to be a Bridesmaid (Flower Girl) behind his back (I thought Flower Girl was OK). But then he knew I did that, guess what, he was very very angry. We had a huge fight that night.
Got the point? My parents always forbid me from anything like that. It might be an expression to show that they love me. But you know, I feel like, I treated like a baby, always be a baby, although I'm 21!! Twenty one!!
Should I just follow his foot steps? Will it make them proud? Or should I stand alone, building my own career from big ZERO (just like my boyfriend did), without asking a penny from my parents?
I've had lack of sleep these recent days, seems my mind doesn't wanna stop to think about my future. My friends, even my bf told me that I should not be worry, cos everything would be OK with help from my parents. They said that I should be grateful cos I don't have to chase a formal-job, or work Mon-Fri, 9-5 behind desk at office.
Started from July 2nd 1987, until now... Have I make you proud?
Every children biggest dream would always be make their parents proud. Including me. But how?
Many whispers came to my ear that said, "Go ahead and find your place at your Dad's Co.", "Why wasting more time with useless job?", "Don't ever try to work in a -desperately-needing-investment Bank!", and blah and blah and blah.
Dude I really wanna show my Dad that I can earn myself money. Now my new car is on its way to my garage doesn't mean I'm fully happy. I mean, I feel very grateful with my Dad's present, but I realize that it will burden me. How long until I can earn my own money?
Let's rewind to two years ago, when my friends busy to get a part-time job. This "part-time job" means SPG (Sales Promotion Girl), or Bridesmaid (at someone else's wedding), or Wedding Organizer's crew. That's all we can do for our status as a under-graduate student. Nothing else more and nothing else better beside being an SPG, Bridesmaid, or WO's crew. SAD!!
My friends were like, hush hush, searched that kind of job, some of them got the job, and succeed to earn money. AND then I was trying to get my Dad's permission. When I asked him, he was going like, "NO F-in WAY! I never let my daughter being such a slave like that."
FYI, Being an SPG doesn't get a good image from people in general, it often refers to "bad girls", although NOT all SPG are bad, but their image seemed to be judged like that. OK I've admit that there several from them are bad, but it depends on what product they sell.
Once I ever lied to him to be a Bridesmaid (Flower Girl) behind his back (I thought Flower Girl was OK). But then he knew I did that, guess what, he was very very angry. We had a huge fight that night.
Got the point? My parents always forbid me from anything like that. It might be an expression to show that they love me. But you know, I feel like, I treated like a baby, always be a baby, although I'm 21!! Twenty one!!
Should I just follow his foot steps? Will it make them proud? Or should I stand alone, building my own career from big ZERO (just like my boyfriend did), without asking a penny from my parents?
I've had lack of sleep these recent days, seems my mind doesn't wanna stop to think about my future. My friends, even my bf told me that I should not be worry, cos everything would be OK with help from my parents. They said that I should be grateful cos I don't have to chase a formal-job, or work Mon-Fri, 9-5 behind desk at office.
Started from July 2nd 1987, until now... Have I make you proud?
Comments
Thanks a bunch for your advice!
I certainly think something like "Life's short, do it!" LOL. But I don't have enough courage to do what I like. There are so much consideration before do those things. All I wanna do now is focusing my final thesis, and see what happen in the next 6 months or so. I really wanna make them proud, but I'm not a bright student, I wish I have other thing to be proud of. Have you ever feel the same way as I feel? You really wanna make your parents happy, you were trying to work your best, but still not enough to make them proud?
anyway..
Thanks again phi, for took your time to read my shitty problem and help me search the way out :)
As I said before, I'm truly grateful for my condition now, for having such a wonderful parent, and a good life. But those things made me even more "burden" especially about how can I make them proud? Every parents definitely wants the best for their children, I felt that too. But sometimes they treated us in a wrong way.
Everyone has freedom of speech, but too bad you couldn't find it in my family. Seemed like the rules has put in a book and every family members must follow it. No one can break it. That's the hardest point actually. I thought I've ever wrote this to you. (about my family's state in general)
Once again, I felt so thankful cos I never be in the dark situation (like went down to shameful path --> know what I mean!). I'm fully in control about myself.
Thanks D, for always pay attention to my blog :)
i feel what you feel..i know how that feel..my parent also never give me any freedom to choose what i wanna do..ga cuma mama gua, bahkan kedua kk gua juga melarng gua untuk ngerjain apa yg gua mau..skrg aja gua udah daftar kerja, mereka masih yg ky ga stuju..seakan2 berkata 'kerjaan di rumah juga masih ada, pake cari kerja d tempat laen' ya semacem itu lah..memang mengesalkan lagi tan..
sabar yah bu..
you will find the way..
in a way, u have to respect ur parents and obey what they said. but in other way, this is ur life n actually u can do anything in it (not mention the bad things--the good things of course). so i think, if u determine on what u do, u will get a good fruit, and later on when ur parents see ur good fruit, they will understand and hopefully be proud of u :)
LOL. Finally I've companion! J/K
But I bet you're far better than my condition. First of all, I feel like Cinderella, (in a worse way), I must be home before 12, even on weekend!! Second of all, I couldn't enjoy things like teenager do, like stay overnight with some friends, and all. It's a big NO to me. Like, if I went for hours, my mom would busy call me and ask me to go home soon. Yeah, stuff like that. I don't understand why I overprotected. Do I look like a criminal? :(
Wow new job eh? *off topic*
Congratz Sis.. I hope everything is fine and you'll get what you've been dreaming for. Ciayo for our final thesis!! ^^
I always think that you're lucky, since you don't have any frenemy. Now I can even mention that you're luckier than that cos you have FREEDOM.
Freedom is something that barely seen in my house. I can't even have freedom to choose a religion I wanna follow! That's why I'm feeling a lil bit LOST right now.
Little bit more, this behavior from my parents affect me in my relationships with other people. I grown up to be an overrated girl, especially when it comes about loving people. I'm a very overprotective girl to the one I love, (my boyfriend WAS such a bad victim); also to my sis & bro. I realize that is one of my bad habit, but as y'all know, bad habit DIES HARD. It always flows in your mind, even pours in your blood. Cos you've been treated like that since you were child, till it becomes one bad behavior. And you contaminated it to others. Got what I mean?
Back to the -make them proud- topic, I'm really hoping that someday I'll mark my milestone from something that I love. You said it right, I've to start plant the "good fruit", till the big day, once in my life, I'll make my parents proud of me.
nice to talk to u tan, even we only can chat in comment space like this. haha! :D
Yeah Phi, me too. I'm so glad that I've found many interesting people while I written my blog. That's such a treasure for me. Thank you for always takes time to read my shitty blog. LOL